But I have this against you: You have abandoned the love you had at first. Remember then how far you have fallen; repent, and do the works you did at first. Rev 2:4-5a
My friend Angie and I have been completing a bible study The Settled Soul: Tenaciously Abiding with a Tender God by Jodi Detrick. I have really been enjoying our time diving deeper into what our faith lived out looks like. We have been excitedly sharing and conversing about what the Father has been speaking to our hearts as we seek Him. My heart has been pulled to a memory of my youth. At the tender age of 10, at the end of my 5th grade year of school, I encountered a Savior who called me out of the darkness I was walking in and into a marvelous light. How exciting it was to each day open my bible and discover more and more about the Love that He is. It was a fountain of living water springing from the depths of my soul. It could not be contained to just me. Angie was one of the first friends that I made after I chose to commit my life to being a Christ follower, but this story takes place even before I met Angie.
When I was a kid, I looked forward to The County Fair every year. In a time before cell phones and social media, this was one week I could connect with my friends over the summer. Some of my friends were from different schools than mine and if we wanted to keep in contact, we actually wrote letters and mailed them to each other. Every year at the fair, we would spend time between our 4-H commitments on the midway playing games and riding rides. The Ring Toss was always a must win game for me each year. The price was right- two rings for a dime and six for a quarter. This particular year, I had not had any fruit for my labor. I had spent my budgeted amount on fair fun, but had not walked away as the owner of a Fair Stick. I was taking a tour of the Midway one evening toward the end of the fair as I looked longingly at the Ring Toss. I specifically heard the Father speak to my heart to buy a 10 cent try on that game. So I did. Guess who was the winner of not just one Fair Stick but two! Me! I was so excited. God cared about my desire to have a Fair Stick, spoke to me about it and now I had TWO! This is not the type of news about which a 10 year old can keep quiet. I was excited to tell my friends about a God who loved me so much, He would speak to me about things I thought were important. How easy it was to trust and believe in Him. At the time of my life commitment, I went all in on my commitment. So you see, our love for him comes as a result of his loving us first. (1 John 4:19 ) I was anchored in knowing that I was so loved by my Father that the love I had for Him was springing forth from His love for me. I believed so strongly in Psalms 37:5 Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him to help you do it, and he will. (TLB) Everything I did…and I mean everything I did, I prayed about. I conversed with God about all the important things to a 10 year old, and all the minor things to a 10 year old.
Sometimes the small things seem so inconsequential but really it is all in viewing perspective. As looked at through older eyes, this story seems almost silly until I hear my Father whisper “You have abandoned the love you had at first. Remember how far you have fallen, repent, and do the works you did at first.”
His voice is not harsh, just honest in conversation. Just like the church of Ephesus, I have worked, labored, endured, and not become weary (mostly), but as I reflect, as I remember, I see that I have lost something in the midst of all my doing. The time when I knew nothing came from me that was not first the Love of my Father. The First Love. When I went to my Father with everything, even things which could be seen as silly now, but it’s all in perspective. The works I did at first…committing everything, trusting Him, listening to Him, resting in His perfect love, and telling about that Love from which all things sprang forth, truly abiding. I have been busy with my Father’s business, but have abandoned my first love.
Father, You are above all and sit in the highest place. I hear what you are saying to me and I repent. I don’t want my labors to be in vain but I want them to spring forth from You-the Love that came first. I want to abide in your wholeness, relying on you as my source. Renew in me the understanding I had as a young girl, the reliance I had on you. May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, Lord, my rock and my Redeemer.
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